Finally, after 10 years of break I manage to pull up my courage to write this part of our lives. Though it hurts a lot and tears still running. Aly is now 13 in secondary school.
We were about to move out and rent a condominium when cancer strikes. It started with an ovarian cyst the size of 1.5cm, we found out on routing checkup at the gynae, I was very worried and ask Eugenia to go take it out immediately, but she was reluctant. Then the gynae says most of the cyst will disappear by itself so just wait and see without checking with Eugenia her family history, her mum got ovarian cancer but was treat early. Eugenia's younger brother told me that on her funeral day, if her younger brother knows that she as older sister should be aware of her mum's condition too, but she didn't tell the gynae. Furthermore 2 of her cousins and another aunty also had ovarian cancer, one died in her 40s. The history was so obvious, and we missed that very crucial period of stopping the cancer.
We waited 6 months for the next review at the gynae hopping for the best, but the cyst had grown to >5cm. Gynae told us we need to go for the opt to remove the cyst, so we did. The moment they did the opt the gynae found she was stage 3 ovarian cancer with a survival rate of 20%. My world just collapsed, I lost my mum 2 years back and now I was about to lose my wife. We didn't tell her parents what happened as we didn't want them to worry but can't really hide such big problem.
The next 3 months was the hardest time of our lives, to say it was hell will be an understatement. Everyday we had different problems popping up and running in and out of the hospital. We started chemotherapy with the so call gold standard for ovarian cancer, a combination of Cisplatin and paclitaxel through IV. She needs to have a catheter inserted on the right side of her collar bone and stay there throughout the course of treatment, it was very uncomfortable and even more painful to look at. I tried to put on a strong face but inside me everything falls apart I was sucking up tears throughout the whole 3 months and beyond. I made a vow to keep her warm, love and take care of her in good times and bad, I will stay with her till the last day no matter what. Eugenia didn't want to see anybody but just want me to stay by her side, so I quit my job and take care of her 24 hours. She just want to be with me and nobody else.
The first chemo is in the morning and saw her condition getting better, we were so happy, but all the symptoms came back in the night, and I started to call her oncologist by mid-night, he told me to come to his office the next morning without Eugenia. When I saw him, he told me point blank, the chemotherapy is not working, his hands are tight and he doesn't have any more solution for us, he is good enough to tell us the truth and asked us to go look for other solution fast. But we have no idea what to do.
It came one problem after another, we struggled to find answers, pray and cry everyday. I was desperate to help her, she knows how I felt and she said to me, the day the gynae told her about the cancer she went to Novena church and sat there praying for very long, 2-3 hours, while I was on my shift work, then she felt a spirit came and wrap around her, seems to be telling her everything will be taken care, and everything will be fine. I didn't understand what this means until much later, I was still thinking something will appear miraculously and the cancer will be gone. I was so wrong.
Her condition was getting worst by the day till the last month when her blood pressure shot up the roof, 270. We have to admit her into the hospital to manage her condition, her stomach was bloated like a pregnant woman with ascites water just to find out later it was actually cancer fiber instead. She even went into an epilepsy fit due to the high BP and I was running all over the ward calling for help. She couldn't take any more food because her intestine was jam up with tumors. The cancer was very aggressive, something that even the oncologist had no experience.
That last month we cry a lot, hug a lot and keep telling each other how much we love one another. We discussed about the arrangement, I told her to take a rest, I'll take good care of Aly and bring her up. When the time comes, I'll go and look for her, and she said ok. When the nurse heard that she went out of the room and cry, we didn't mean to make anybody cry, we were so sorry. I even tell her that I'll stay around to look after her parents, but she told me not to force myself if I can't take it, just take Aly and move on.
The oncologist gave her an even stronger but older chemo drug which he regrated so much, it worsens her condition to the point that she was throwing up blood and we have to give her blood and platelet transfusion. And even that didn't stop her internal bleeding and she continues to throw up blood.
On her very last consciousness she asked, is it over and all the nurses and doctor replied yes, it's over and she felt into a coma for the next 2 days. On the very last hour, her blood pressure dropped, and the ECG machine was giving out warning alarm, and I was crying my heart out for her to come back. Then everything went silent, Eugenia left peacefully.
Eugenia wanted to write a diary of her cancer journey, but I wasn't comfortable for her to write knowing that I will have to take over the diary and finish it for her. I told her not to do that but regrated immediately. So this blog was created to fulfil her final wish and solely dedicated to her. Till we meet again.
Always loved by:
Hugh, signing off.
